Nissan's 1st proposed legislation

Washington, 1/4/2007 -

Congressional Democrats today rolled out a major legislative initiative concerning border security entitled Stop Hispanic Immigration Today, or S.H.I.T. Party leaders in both the House and the Senate spoke enthusiastically about the proposed bill and its impact on the political atmosphere in Washington, though it was certain to cause a stir.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi strongly defended the package, saying, "To those who criticize the Democrat majority and accuse us of wasting time on unimportant legislation, I say: You haven't seen S.H.I.T. yet."

Illinois Senator Barack Obama, who co-authored the bill in the upper house, added, "The entire Democrat caucus has pledged to vote for the S.H.I.T. legislation I have proposed. Republicans in border states will probably vote for it too, even if they hold their noses while doing so. It's something special and everyone in DC will soon detect it."

Predictably, Republican leaders voiced strident criticism. "Please. We were constantly talking S.H.I.T. when I ran the House. Where were the Democrats then?" asked former Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales chimed in as well. He insisted, "I had nothing to do with this S.H.I.T. that everyone is attaching my name to. So quit blaming me."

Republican disdain was largely driven by focus on their own controversial legislative initiative, entitled Maintaining Obsessive Hatred Against Muslim Extremist Detainees, or M.O.H.A.M.E.D. , a bill largely backed by the powerful evangelical movement within the GOP base.

Pat Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition, remarked, "The Republicans' positive attitude toward M.O.H.A.M.E.D. will finally show Americans the true face of Islam. I am delighted."

"All across the nation, churchgoers are singing the praises of M.O.H.A.M.E.D. to their congregations," added Vice President Dick Cheney. "It's a wonderful thing and it's about time."

American Muslims were less than thrilled, however. "Why should anyone be surprised that conservatives are receptive to M.O.H.A.M.E.D.'s goals?" quipped Ibrahim Hooper, a spokesman for CAIR, or Council on American Islamic Relations. "Frankly, CAIR is not interested in discussing M.O.H.A.M.E.D. in detail, because it doesn't serve our interests."